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Sure, people grow and improve, but you should not base your future happiness on the assumption that your partner will be able to (or want to) change enough to satisfy your wishes.
Of course, you may ultimately decide that you can live with your partner’s fault, but in doing so you’re making a deliberate, conscious choice.
“He’s a great guy, and I’ve dreamed about spending our lives together,” Janine said.
“But there’s that one sticking point—steady employment.
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Clearly identify which type of issue you’re dealing with–one that’s possible to modify or one that will likely stay the same.
What’s more, we can only imagine the number of divorces or troubled marriages that involve people who thought, This one thing really bothers me, but it’ll go away. Making plans for a long-term relationship with someone you assume will change is a recipe for trouble.
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If you have carefully identified the ten things you can’t live with and the ten things you can’t live without, then these lists should serve as a screening process.
And if your partner’s flaw shows up, this should be a clear signal that this person isn’t right for you.
In fact, for Devin the term ‘steady employment’ is an oxymoron.